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Ho tagliato i capelli

A quindici anni portavo i capelli lunghi. Un mogano naturale che rivestiva un manto fluente a poggiarsi sulle spalle aggraziate.
Con le unghie lunghe e rigorosamente laccate di rosso, costituivano le mie concessioni al femminile.
Il resto era una alchimia giovanile di uomo/ donna, maschio / femmina incapsulate in un corpo che non ne voleva sapere di eleganza muliebre prediligendo lo stato brado , le corse a perdifiato, la danza sotto la pioggia, il calcio giocato o tifato, il tennis praticato e, perso per incapacità nell’accettare le sconfitte.
E la mia Calabria a darmi il sole dei miei anni e a volermelo togliere coi retaggi e le convenzioni tutti racchiusi nello scettro del comando del patriarcato.
Mio padre. Croce e delizia della mia adolescenza. Principe adorato da bambina, Re e despota da fanciulla, vittima inconsapevole del perbenismo travestito da “opinio iuris ac necessitatis“, come dicevano i latini per dire di una tradizione divenuta legge.
La disubbidienza diveniva vitale. Ancora non sapevo si chiamasse ” disubbidienza civile” . La adottavo come lotta di affermazione del mio essere che voleva ardentemente essere libero, persino magari di adeguarmi ai suoi diktat.
Lo sciopero della fame fu la prima delle iniziative di ” rottura” con gli schemi imposti. In un crescendo rossiniano in cui ci misurammo, combattemmo, vincemmo o perdemmo entrambi e contemporaneamente, perche’ l’Amore impone le sue regole persino nell’agone.
Fino all’evento che rappresentò la mia vittoria senza gioia, senza esultanza, senza esaltazione.
Un giorno, avevo sedici anni, decisi di tagliare i miei capelli. Dovevo colpire dove faceva più male. A lui. A me. E tagliai di netto. Ogni sforbiciata della parrucchiera era una pugnalata che infliggevo al mio cuore. Era anche l’unica volta che avevo ” marinato la scuola” nella mia vita di studentessa modello. Ma la disubbidienza quel giorno doveva essere totale. Nessun appiglio. Nessuna giustificazione.
Il ” NO” che assurgeva ad emblema di rivolta, di protesta, di autodeterminazione e completamento di me.
Corti. Cortissimi. Un riccio ispido esterno a contrastare la libertà interna rivendicata e sulla strada per essere conquistata.
Tornai a casa con le spalle pesanti di un fardello troppo grande persino per la mia sfrontatezza. Il mio zaino mimetico dal nome ” Charlie” , verde militare, era un macigno da portare. Dentro vi era il Futuro ma anche tutto ciò che avevo perso, tutto ciò a cui avevo rinunciato: la mia femminilità negli anni in fiore.
Era in balcone ad aspettarmi come ogni volta che era a riposo dal lavoro di macchinista delle ferrovie. Non mi riconobbe subito. Ero davvero irriconoscibile senza la mia bellissima chioma al vento. Alzai la testa e incrociai i suoi splendidi occhi azzurri.
Il mio cuore batteva all’ impazzata. Ogni scelta comporta ansia e paura. Salii le scale di casa trascinando pensieri e zaino divenuto zavorra .
Mi aspettava sul portone con accanto mia madre pronta a parare l’ineluttabile. Mi guardò. Ci guardammo. Io con una spavalderia lungi dal provare. Ma non abbassai lo sguardo. Ricambiai con tutta la rabbia e l’oltraggio che provavo nell’aver rinunciato ai miei capelli lunghissimi per affermare la mia identità e la mia libertà.
Tacque. Comprese. Quel giorno mi amò come mai era accaduto prima Il suo silenzio mi difese. E …vinsi.
Non feci mai più ricrescere i capelli.
Non è facile tagliare i capelli, non lo è per chi ama la sua bellissima chioma, non è semplice farlo per rivendicare un diritto, attestare la propria identità.
Non è facile…eppure in Iran oggi si muore tagliando i capelli, recidendo quel cordone ombelicale di retaggi che vuole la donna schiava delle convenzioni, la vuole sempre strega per poterla innalzare sul rogo .
E non sanno che un semplice taglio di capelli è come il battito di ali di una farfalla. Inceppa il meccanismo e dalle ceneri di un mondo risorgono le fenici morte per la libertà, rinate per riprendersi il Futuro, per donarlo a tutte noi con generosità nel silenzio dell’indifferenza.

in copertina: dipinto di Natino Chirico in omaggio alle Donne Iraniane che stanno protestando per la loro libertà.

 

Pubblicato inDonne

3 commenti

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